The day after Christmas

Lookin a little rough, but here's Karnell and I!

My cousins!

My cousin Tyalor!

My cousins Craig and Corey! Too Cute!

My cousin Monty, and his new PSP!!

My sister Ashley!

My mom, Aunt Brenda, and my brother Brian!
Check out what I got for Christmas...!

Hello all! I hope everyone had a great and memorable Christmas. I know I did! I got the thing I always wanted...a digital camera! Not only did I get a camera, but I got a picture printer as well! Scrapbooking has reached a new height! You should have seen me, I was jumping up and down, and saying..."I can't believe it, I just can't believe it"! It was quite a sight...maybe you shouldn't have seen it! I really had a great Christmas. I was able to spend it with my family, and that was worth it to me! We also had my birthday party on Sunday...that too was a blast. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday and Christmas! Well, now it's back to work, YEAH!!! I sure hope that all of you know that I'm totally joking about the "yeah" part! Ok, TTFN!

It's my birthday!

Well folks, it's official, my birthday is here! Now, I can fully submerge myself into the Christmas season. I don't know why but, it's not until my birthday is here that I really get excited about Christmas. Well, so far my day has been...well...quiet. I am very grateful for the quiet. I have had some time to really think about my 28 years on earth! Other than that, it feels just like any other day! It's amazing how the older you get, the less excited you become. That is very hard for me to admit, because I absolutely LOVE birthdays. I get so excited about them, that I can hardly stand it...but not this year. Maybe it's because I typically spend my birthday with my family and this would make the second year that I haven't been able to spend my actual birthday with them. Who knows! At any rate, it is my birthday, and I am so very thankful to the Lord that he allowed me to have 28 wonderful years of life, love and friendship. I am not for sure what Karnell has instore for this particular occasion, but I can almost guarantee that all of those three things will be there; and that's something to get excited for! Stay tuned to see how the festivities went down! TTFN- Ta Ta For Now!

Springfield...

So Karnell and I have been in Springfield for 6 months. Can you believe it? And since I've been here, I have had quite a few disappointments and hardships. Now, as many of you know, this isn't my first time living here in Springfield. I went to college here. And for me, that's is where it should have stayed. To make a long story short, after college, I went back home (KC) because I had no job, and no place to live here in Springfield. I graduated December 14. On December 15, my life has never been the same. I have always been one to have everything in life planned out, or if not planned out, at least a template of what I should be doing. I feel as though I am roaming the earth, and losing my outlook on life. I am settling for mediocrity, which isn't one of my character traits. So what's my problem? Well, to answer my own question, I am suppose to do something great in my life, and I am side tracked. God has totally pulled me out of my comfort zone for a purpose. He has allowed certain friends leave, certain deaths in my family, and other circumstances to arise to show me something. Since I've moved here, I've been miserable. My question to God was, why would You allow me to move somewhere that I hate? His answer, so that you can do what you love! I love children. Every ember of my being is attached to a child. I have so many ideas in my head for children, that it keeps me up at night sometimes! So, with all that said, I say, "Yes, Lord". I will no longer kick, against what I CAN see, but instead run towards what I CAN'T see. It took me 6 months of heartache and pain to really understand and accept what the Lord is doing! So sad. I am almost ashamed to have mentioned it. I could have been much further along. But, I believe that everything happens for a reason...I just haven't discovered it yet!

Full Speed Ahead!

This week, believe it or not is going to be very hectic. The main reason is because I have a final that's due this week. It's a DVD of five different hospital scenarios and I will have to watch the DVD and put myself in the Child Life Specialist shoes, and write what I would do. I will be glad when I'm done, this is the last "cloud" that's hanging over me before the year is over! I have some last minute shopping that I need to do, so we will see how that goes! My birthday is getting closer...I love birthdays! Well, yesterday someone inquired about Jett. I'm not for sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I want a calmer, inside dog, so I guess this is a good thing. I can't have two dogs, so Jett has to go before I can get another dog. Well that's enough random thoughts for now, I hope everyone has a great week!

Make him leave, or keep him...

Jett outside!

Yeah, he looks real cute when he's sleep!

Jett and Karnell

Jett when he was a little younger!

So if any of you know me at all, you will know that I have a small zoo at my house! Two birds- George and Macchiato, and a dog- Jett. Well, Jett has been getting into trouble for a while now. When I say trouble...let me explain. While Karnell and I were in Denver, CO Jett decided to break through his crate and "anoint" every room in our house (our newly remodeled house). Not only that, he ate our blinds, shredded our curtains, ate up our base boards, and chewed up our carpet. He did all of this in one day! Our friends that were dog sitting are true friends, because they had cleaned up the mess before we got home. So now you are probably thinking why didn't we get rid of him...because he's so stinkin' cute! Karnell, and his "man" authority decided that Jett was no longer an "inside" dog, he had to stay outside. Well, that was a bad decision because Jett decided that he was going to eat through our phone wire...6 times! Karnell, is now saying get rid of him...so I put him on craigslist. We started doing some research to find another dog...I found one, a beagle! Now, Karnell is saying don't get another dog; Jett just needs to go to doggy school... So, now what do I do? School and patience or adoption and new dog? He is a good dog when we are around, it's when he's left unattended that he decides to create havoc! Well, if you are reading my post, let me know what you think...in the mean time, here are some pictures of Jett the Terrorizer! By the way, the birds were never touched!

Almost the end...

Can you believe it, it's almost the end of the year! I know I can't. Around this time of year I always have a bitter sweet feeling about what all I've done throughout the year! One of the things that I am really proud of is the fact that for the first time this year, I bought a house! A house that I absolutely love, and would hate to sell! That's the sweet part, the bitter part is the fact that I've gained so much weight it's ridiculous! I know that once I put my mind to something I do exceedingly well at it, so why can't I master dieting...because it is truly my one and only major weakness. I really need to buckle down and lose this weight...

On a much brighter note, I am soon going to be one year older! I am definitely beginning to feel it...those 30's are knocking at my door a little louder each year! My birthday is Dec. 20, so I really feel the holidays once Dec. gets here! I love Christmas! I am planning to go home for Christmas (Karnell gets to come along!) and I can't wait! I only want one thing for Christmas...a digital camera! I love taking pictures, and I swear, I'm the only one on the face of the earth that doesn't have one. Having a camera on your phone doesn't count! I have two nice 35mm camera's, but I don't really use them anymore, because I hate going to get the pictures developed, I even hate waiting for one hour photo. Along with that, I don't like paying for horrible pictures, and not seeing what they will be like. I really want a digital camera...bad! I don't care whether it comes for Christmas or my birthday...I just want one! I pray Santa grants my wish...

Thanksgiving Break

Man, I have been running about a mile a minute for the past few weeks! When will the madness ever end... I haven't even had time to do one thing I love to do...blog! I don't even know where to begin telling you about what all has been going on, hmmm, let me see. Well, I guess I can start off by saying that class is kickin my butt! Even though it's the end of the semester, I am working harder now, than I have all semester, can you believe that?! Now, I am sweating bullets because my final is work 400 points...talk about pressure...yikes! Besides my class I work a full time job, volunteer at the hospital for class, while trying to read to kids once a week. Ok, there are no children to read to quite yet, but I'm working on it! Great news! Karnell and I went shopping! We got a bed, dresser, end tables, a computer and so much more! We are so ridiculously pumped, we can't stand it! Ok the truth is, we did get this stuff, but only because my boss is moving to Chile and had to sell or get rid of some things, so a lot of it we didn't even pay for! (Praise the Lord!)

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I hope you all did too! I went to Kansas City. Karnell didn't get a chance to go, but will definitely make it for Christmas (and my birthday...getting old...yikes!) I ate beyond measure, and now I'm feeling guilty. I'm feeling so guilty that I joined a fitness center. We will see how that goes... Karnell and I started decorating the house for Christmas...it looks beautiful! We put up both trees, and lights, and other decorations...I love Christmas. It puts me in my happy place. Well, that's all for now, I will try to post pics of Thanksgiving and our festive house. I swear I am the only American out there that doesn't own a digital camera...I really want one, the only digital camera I own is on my phone...so scanner, here I come...

Auggghhh, MONEY!!!

It's amazing how much our lives depend on money. It really makes the world go round. I have been thinking about being a child life specialist (the financial part anyway) and I am very curious as to where this will take us financially. I don't want to sound prideful, but I do want a career where I can make pretty good money. I understand that I won't be rich, because we all know that dealing with children is not a money maker. I do, on the other hand want to be well off. I know you are probably thinking...what about Karnell? I want him to be successful as well, but this is a personal goal of mine. I was just thinking, my 10 year high school reunion will be in May of 2008! What have I accomplished in 10 years? It's a very good self reflection question. Not only that, but between now and May, what can I do, to push myself a little closer to my dreams? For that matter, what are my dreams? For all of you reading my blog, what are your thoughts?

Today is a good day...

Can you believe that was snow on the ground! (in Oct.)

At the airport!

A view of the mountains...very blurry, but something!

Me! Going to ge our luggage!

Today is a happy day! Nothing going wrong... You just gotta love days like that. I am so happy that it's Thursday. I forgot to tell you about our trip to Denver! We had a blast. I love the mountains. For those that are just tuning in, Karnell was in a drum competition in Denver, CO. Neither one of us had ever been, so it was really exciting! There were nine great drummers. We really enjoyed the competition. Karnell didn't win, but the guy that did win, really deserved it. The judging was fair and just. So I promised that I would have pictures for you to see; so here you go!

A new outlook on life...

If you haven't noticed, I changed my title from being "inadequate" to "powerful beyond measure". I have really taken this quote and ran with it. It has been the answer that I have been searching for for months. I am strong, I can do all things through Christ. I have to overcome my mind, and therefore, I am! It's such a simple concept, but the human mind is so strong. Just to tell a little bit about myself; I use to be a "go getter". I was very self motivated. Over the past couple of years, I have become, someone else. I hated seeing what I looked like in the mirror...what I had become. Well, now that is all about to change, I want to be what I was called to be. Sure, it may take some time, but with God's help I will do big things for Him! Stay tuned...more of me, is on the way!

Two Love Birds!

So as most of you know, we have two parakeets- George and Macchiato. I thought I would tell you a little bit about them. If you have never had the pleasure of meeting them, you are missing out on some hilarious stuff. George and Macchiato are crazy about each other... I mean madly in love! George is always next to Macchiato. Constantly rubbing his beak in her feathers, around her hair, kissing her...the whole nine. My family constantly tells them to get a room! Karnell and I get embarrassed sometimes, because people are so fascinated by their attraction. You would think that with all that love in the cage, that they would love to share. Oh, quite the opposite... George is a pig, that hates to share! He races Macchiato to the seeds dish so that he can get fed first. Well, Macchiato is no dummy; she has caught on to his little scheme. So now, maybe a half hour or so before I feed them, she is standing right next to the dish so she can get fed first! Macchiato waits patiently as I take their seed dish out of the cage, dump the old seeds and put four scoops of fresh seeds. In to the cage it goes. Macchiato, very calm, steps up to the dish, and starts to eat... George, panicking, hurries to get there only to find that Macchiato is there first. She spreads out her wings, so that George can't get anything until she's done! So my question is... Is that really love? Hey, maybe that's their culture!

Oh Happy Day...

Well today is Monday, and today must be the best day of my life. I know that it's only Monday, but if you had to go through the week that I went through, you would appreciate Monday as well. I feel so much better, alert and happy. It was like I had a cloud of sadness over me. I really couldn't explain it, but I knew it was there. I also might add that I'm glad that it's over. I am real excited for Karnell...we are going to Denver Wednesday morning, so that he can compete at Guitar Center, in the annual drum off! Please pray that all goes well! I will hopefully have pictures of all the exciting festivities, when I get back. Along with other wonderful pictures that I still need to post. Boy, when you don't keep up with this, it sure can take awhile for you to get all caught up! Ok, that's all for now. Yeah! Today is a great day!

Silent...

Hear lately, I've been kinda quiet. Have you ever reached a point where you just can't take any more new information. Whether it's good news or bad, I can't handle another thing. I have had this headache that has lasted all weekend. I really wish that I could just go away somewhere and be left alone. I'm so distracted at work, and my home life isn't very peaceful. I find myself not getting enough rest, and working myself too hard. I am trying to get back into the swing of things, but it's so hard. I know that it's just a phase, but man is it hard at the moment.

More than I can bear...

Since moving back to Springfield, it seems as though adversity has came my way from every corner. So to try and wrap my finger around all that has gone on in the past 3 and a half months, I will try and sort things out in my head via blogger.

Karnell and I started looking for houses here in Springfield, way back in April. I would say that from April to June, Karnell and I spent almost every weekend here in Springfield, trying to buy a house. Don't forget that Karnell was working 50-60 hours a week and I had been working extra hours as well, so that we would have enough money to move.

As you all know, moving in and of itself is stressful. Karnell and I moved to Springfield, June 29. We signed the papers, got our keys, got our check, and headed off to unload boxes. That was an all day event. Mind you, I had job interviews in between that, because I didn't have a job yet! My sister was suppose to come down, but didn't get the chance so I had to drive my family back to KC and then turn around and come right back to Springfield. Boy was I tired. A week and a half later, my whole family comes down to see the house.

A week and a half after that, I got a phone call saying that my brother Michael lost his newborn baby girl, a couple of weeks after that, I found out that my sister was in a fire, and had second degree burns on her hands, arms, and legs. She lives in California, but flew home, so I went to spend the weekend with her. A couple of weeks later. Karnell wins a drum competition, and has to fly to Denver to compete. Good news of course, but it's just one more emotion to try and handle. A week and a half after that, I got a call saying that my brother Brian was in a car accident. He had stitches in his head, and his car was totalled. A week and a half later we find out that Karnell's grandpa had past away and we needed to go to St. Louis. But we were broke and didn't know how we were gonna go. Next thing we knew, we had an extra 400 dollars, so not only could we go to his funeral, but I'm able to fly to Denver as well to see Karnell compete. Just a few days later from finding out that Karnell's grandpa had passed away, I found out that my grandpa had past away. And to that, just an hour later, I found out that my cousin, in KC, had been murdered. All of this is happening while we are in St. Louis for the funeral. I have been a nervous wreck all weekend. Karnell and I have tension, and I am so stressed out that I can't breathe. I can't take off any days of work, because we need the money.

It's times like this that I think about that verse that God won't give you more than you can bear. He must think that I'm really strong, or that I really need to see him and his mighty power. I really needed to get that of my chest. If you read this blog, please say a prayer for me.

Wow! What a week!

Last week was not one of my greater weeks, that's for sure. My in-laws came for a surprise visit. That actually went really well. Karnell and I didn't get to hang out with them as much as we wanted to, but when we did hang out, it was a lot of fun. They came late Wednesday and left on Sunday. I will post pictures later. Today, however is a very good day. Why? You may ask. Well, that's because today is Karnell and I's second anniversary! Yeah! I can hardly believe that two years have gone by. It seems like just yesterday we were getting married, and now we have two years under our belts! I can honestly say that I love him more today than I did when we first got married! I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard sometimes, but when the going gets tough, the tough get going! I am excited to see what this year will hold for us. When I look back over our two years, we have done great things, and that makes me really proud. I love you Karnell, always have, and always will!

Feeling blue...

Yesterday was not a good day for me, and to be honest the day before wasn't one of the best either. I have decided that I just don't handle stress very well. I also drew the conclusion that there are more stressors in my life than what I thought. So, I guess when the doctor's ask, "are you stressed", I can honestly say, "yes". I feel as though the weight of the world is riding on my shoulders, and I don't know how to release the tension and feel better. I thought that talking to a friend would help...but what friends... I feel all alone. I feel as though I'm in an empty room all by myself with nothing to do but think about my thoughts. I try praying, singing songs, getting more involved in activities to distract me, but they seem like "bandaids", temporary patches for what the real issues are. So, what are the real issues, you might ask? Good question. But if I really sit and think about it, I know what the issues are...I'm afraid to deal with them, for fear of the consequences. So I carry it from day to day, hoping it will just go away. That good ol' Bible verse that says we reap what we sow...yeah, it's coming back to haunt me. I made some decisions and choices that backfired on me, and instead of facing the problem head on, I choose to keep letting it build up. I want to face reality, and get it "over with", but I'm afraid of the end result. To make things better would involve being honest, something that I deeply struggle with. I'm scared. If I say nothing, it will get worse. If I say something, I could potentially have some damage that I need to repair. Or, God could have mercy on me... I don't like the "what if's". I want something concrete, this is the problem, this is the solution, and these are the consequences. If only it was that easy. If you're reading this, let me know what your thoughts are, because I need help.

I love my family!!!!!

So I have quite a bit to tell you in this post. First of all, I just want to say that I love my family. I grow closer to them each and everyday. I also realize that without family, on earth, we have nothing. I am nothing, without my family. For the last 2 1/2 months my family has been tried in different areas, and we are still strong, and love each other more today than ever before. It's amazing! OK, now that that's out of the way...Karnell was in this huge drum competition held at Guitar Center. For those not in the musical world, that is a very well know music store that sells predominately guitars, of course, keyboards and drums/percussion. Anyway, he entered the competition in Kansas City and didn't win, he didn't even place. He was a little sad, but I believe he knew what to do to make it better for the next time he would enter. This past Wednesday he entered the drum contest along with 7 other drummers. It was pretty intense. The talent varied greatly. I was a really neat experience if you ever get the chance to go. Well, needless to say, Karnell won!!!!!!!!! I just couldn't believe it, I was jumping up and down in excitement. So he gets to compete again on October 3, if he wins there, he will travel to Denver to compete! We are very excited. If he wins the whole competition, I believe he gets endorsements, a car, and some other cool stuff! Don't quote me on that though...I am so proud of him. He sets the bar high for himself, and he amazes me with his talent each and every time. I is a bad drummer! I stand in awe when he plays. When I listen to him, it's as though I can connect and feel what he's playing. I love the sense of closeness. I'm only that close to him when he plays. I mean when he's playing, he's telling a story and his whole being is in it. I connect with that, I understand every note, it's like reading a great, novel, a true page turner! OK, enough of that. If you haven't picked it up by now, I love my husband. I love you baby! OK, here are some pictures my family and some pictures that I took at the drum competition. Enjoy!

Worry and stress are not my middle names!

So I have been having the hardest time trying to not worry and destress my life. Everyday, it seems as though there is something to worry or stress out over. If I didn't know better, you would think it would be best to be naive. They say that knowledge is power...but what kind of power. I think to me, it has taken over my mind. You always hear of the effects that worrying and stress do to the body. I consider myself to be pretty smart and well educated, so why can't I master this? It has haunted me for as long as I can remember. And to add to it, now that I am married, it seems as though I worry and stress even more...AUGGGGGG! I try to keep my life on a consistent schedule, but of course, that never works. What should I do? I know that it's in the Lord's hands, EVERYTHING. I should truly rest in that, but that is something that is so hard for me. That's like asking a carpenter to preform brain surgery, virtually impossible. I know, I know, with God, he makes the impossible- possible. But how do I take that small step, in the right direction, when in my mind I have a huge mountain to tackle. Yes, I could quote scriptures all day long, but what physical action do I need to take. Yes, I know that I need to trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not to my own understand. But when that little bit of fear starts to creep in, what should I do... when singing doesn't help, praying doesn't help... reading the Bible doesn't seem to cut it. And on top of all that, I feel alone. Just trying to let you know what's in my head...complex thoughts sometime, but I am trying to be humble and admit that I need help. The first step to recovery is admitting the problem. Give me your comments; I want to know what you think, or your opinion.

A little bit about me...

Even though I have posted a few blogs at this point, I thought that it would be nice if you knew a little bit about me. I know, it's better late than never! Well, I was born and raised in Kansas City, MO. I attended Tri- City Christian school from Kindergarten through my senior year. I went to Longview Community College for about 3 years and transfered to SMSU in Springfield, MO. I met Karnell (my husband) March of 2004, got engaged October 2004, and graduated December 2004. Wow! What a year! After graduating, I moved back to KCMO to be an Assistant Director of a private preschool. Karnell moved to KCMO January 2005. We got married October 1, 2005. I lost my job as an Assistant Director November 2005, and started being a stripper...just kidding! I did lose my job, and I started being a server which I did until June 2007. I decided to go back to school, so we bought a house and moved back to Springfield, MO. Now, I've been in Springfield for about 3 months. I work at Second Baptist Church in the Missions Office, and Karnell works full time at Cheddar's Cafe', and part time playing the drums at Springfield Brewing Company.

I love being active and being around children. Getting married to Karnell, besides asking the Lord in my heart, was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I absolutely love being married to Karnell. He is an absolute joy to have in my life. 2 days are never the same. He genuinely loves me the most that any man could love a woman...and that's a great feeling. Of course we have our ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. He's my "favorite", and I'm his "one and only"! I love you baby.

Enough mush...I am very detailed and very much a perfectionist. Children are my heartstrings, it's what I live for. The very essence of my being wants to make children happy. To me, messing with children, is like messing with my passage to heaven. I pray that my passion only grows, and that I can do mighty things for children, Lord willing.

Well, there you have it, me in a nutshell. I am very much a simpleton. Nothing fancy, with bells and whistles. I do want to have a purpose for life and fulfill that purpose with integrity and passion. I want to be a milestone today, to pave the way for children tomorrow. One brick at a time.

What! I'm not at home...?

I can't believe that it's finally Friday. Man, it sure did take a long time to get here. Especially since I have to be at work at 7am...that's a killer! So, you know I've been on this quest to find myself, boy, it is quite the journey! I try to learn something about myself everyday, and this week has just overwhelmed me with things I didn't know about myself. I have officially decided that Child Life is something that I want to whole heartedly pursue. Now I know you are probably thinking, isn't that the whole reason why you moved to Springfield. I would answer yes, but since I've been here, it seems as though my whole world has turned upside down. Not in a bad way, just different. I typically enjoy change, I don't like doing the same thing for very long. I am always on the move, but moving here has been a challenge. I don't know why quite yet. I have made some steps forward. I've joined a Child Life organization on campus, I volunteer at Cox South, I'm apart of a Scrapbooking club at church, and I read to children in a new Coffee House downtown. On top of that, I work full time at a church and I take a class once a week in the afternoon. You would think that I would be back into the swing of things. Then I was talking to a friend earlier this week and I figured out why I feel the way that I do. It's because Springfield, to me, isn't home. My first impression of Springfield was and still is a college town, it's where I went to college. Whenever I wanted to leave I would go home (KC). Now that I "live" here, it's not home to me. Even though I work here, have a house here, all my stuff is here, it's not home. I don't know how to make it feel like home. Also, I can't go to KC as often as I would like...not for any particular reason, it's just that I've filled my life here with stuff to do, that now, going to KC isn't really an option. I really didn't think I would be so home sick, but I guess I am. If anyone has a suggestion of how to get over this big hump, please, I welcome your comments! Sorry for the really long blog, I just had to get this off my chest. I feel much better now! :)

Guess who's 30?

Ok, so I've missed a few days of posts...oops. Well, now that it's Wednesday, I must recap for you. This past Saturday was Karnell's birthday! He turned the big 30. We had a lot of fun. For his birthday we went to the Branson Landing. For those of you that are familar with KCMO it is a cross between the Plaza and Crown Center. We loved it, we had dinner at a really wonderful restarant and sat to watch the fountain show and listen to some drummers! One of the drummers picked someone out of the audience to play and that lucky someone was...ME! (I am pretty sure that Karnell was jealous!) Needless to say, we had a very good time. What a birthday!

Success

How does a person measure success? Is it just how a person carries himself, or is it a measure of accomplishments? I obviously know that the accomplishments do not have to be great, just accomplished. It is with this question that I write my blog. I try to surround myself with successful people everyday. But there is one thing that I notice, they people that I'm around are doing things and making way to be successful, as for I am sitting on my talent doing nothing. I can't help but be reminded of the Bible verse where God gave talents to three people. Two of them went and make themselves successful, while the third went and buried his. He did nothing. That is totally me! I feel as though I have so much to offer myself, but fears of being inadequate, or failing, or whatever begin to invade my head. It stops me from being me. Whenever I have this feeling, it grips me so tight that, what was once a very achievable goal, not is next to nearly impossible. How do I overcome that? It's not so hard for me to "bite the bullet" and just do it. My mind has to be convinced that there is minimal risk involved. If anyone knows me at all, you will know that I am a huge risk taker. I love living on the edge, it gives me a rush. Two totally conflicting views. My mom always taught me that there are no failures, except for those that never tried. There is always knowledge to gain when effort is portrayed. My desire to be successful, is being smothered by my inadequacy. It is as though I am faced with a huge brick wall, and have no tools to either tear it down, or climb it. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in my marriage, stuck with my life, stuck with my decisions, just stuck. Don't be misinformed. It's not that my marriage, life and the decisions that I make are bad, that is not the case, it's just that they are inadequate. I know that I can do something to change that, I just don't know what that is. Yes, I want to be successful if that means that my life has a meaning and purpose. Right now I feel as though I am roaming aimlessly, without a cause. I have felt this way for a very long time. Just a little food for thought.

Who am I?

So today is Friday! Man did it take forever to get here. As I reflect back on this week, I have realized that my life is getting crazier by the minute. Karnell has decided to write a music book. This has taken us on a lot of little loop holes. To make things more hectic, he has also decided to teach drum lessons. Now you might ask, what am I doing for myself in all this musical stuff, my reply..."good question". Since moving here, everything that used to be stable, is no more. It's almost as if I am a completely different person. Friends that I thought would always be around, are fading. My sense of purpose, seems to shift with every passing day. I need a project! Something that will keep me stable and grounded. Hmmm...what could that be? I'm off to figure it out!

Importance

Well, today I embark on a new adventure. I am on the quest to discover myself. I know, you are probably thinking, why now...don't you know who you are? My reply would be, no, do you? I have pride myself in being what everyone else wanted me to be, that I became this generic person, ready to mold in whatever form was needed to fit the occasion. My moving back to Springfield has really opened my eyes to a world that I never knew existed. As many of you may know, my sister was in a fire a couple of weeks ago. Seeing her on Saturday really put things in perspective for me. Life is short, what you do in your lifetime determines who you are. Here I am, knocking on 30's door, having accomplished what? In my eyes, nothing. My parents raised their children to be successful, independent, God fearing individuals. I have done nothing but move from that. Sure, my life is not the life of a bum, but pretty dang close. Where's the pride in who I am, what I'm becoming? So, I decided to take a long look at myself and see what I could change so that I can be a better person, not for others, but for myself. What can I do today that will impact my tomorrow? Life is too short, not to accomplish what I desire. Yes I know that in the overall scheme of things, God has the final say, but I am going to strive for my dreams until I hear different. Life and the Pursuit...