Feeling blue...

Yesterday was not a good day for me, and to be honest the day before wasn't one of the best either. I have decided that I just don't handle stress very well. I also drew the conclusion that there are more stressors in my life than what I thought. So, I guess when the doctor's ask, "are you stressed", I can honestly say, "yes". I feel as though the weight of the world is riding on my shoulders, and I don't know how to release the tension and feel better. I thought that talking to a friend would help...but what friends... I feel all alone. I feel as though I'm in an empty room all by myself with nothing to do but think about my thoughts. I try praying, singing songs, getting more involved in activities to distract me, but they seem like "bandaids", temporary patches for what the real issues are. So, what are the real issues, you might ask? Good question. But if I really sit and think about it, I know what the issues are...I'm afraid to deal with them, for fear of the consequences. So I carry it from day to day, hoping it will just go away. That good ol' Bible verse that says we reap what we sow...yeah, it's coming back to haunt me. I made some decisions and choices that backfired on me, and instead of facing the problem head on, I choose to keep letting it build up. I want to face reality, and get it "over with", but I'm afraid of the end result. To make things better would involve being honest, something that I deeply struggle with. I'm scared. If I say nothing, it will get worse. If I say something, I could potentially have some damage that I need to repair. Or, God could have mercy on me... I don't like the "what if's". I want something concrete, this is the problem, this is the solution, and these are the consequences. If only it was that easy. If you're reading this, let me know what your thoughts are, because I need help.