What! I'm not at home...?

I can't believe that it's finally Friday. Man, it sure did take a long time to get here. Especially since I have to be at work at 7am...that's a killer! So, you know I've been on this quest to find myself, boy, it is quite the journey! I try to learn something about myself everyday, and this week has just overwhelmed me with things I didn't know about myself. I have officially decided that Child Life is something that I want to whole heartedly pursue. Now I know you are probably thinking, isn't that the whole reason why you moved to Springfield. I would answer yes, but since I've been here, it seems as though my whole world has turned upside down. Not in a bad way, just different. I typically enjoy change, I don't like doing the same thing for very long. I am always on the move, but moving here has been a challenge. I don't know why quite yet. I have made some steps forward. I've joined a Child Life organization on campus, I volunteer at Cox South, I'm apart of a Scrapbooking club at church, and I read to children in a new Coffee House downtown. On top of that, I work full time at a church and I take a class once a week in the afternoon. You would think that I would be back into the swing of things. Then I was talking to a friend earlier this week and I figured out why I feel the way that I do. It's because Springfield, to me, isn't home. My first impression of Springfield was and still is a college town, it's where I went to college. Whenever I wanted to leave I would go home (KC). Now that I "live" here, it's not home to me. Even though I work here, have a house here, all my stuff is here, it's not home. I don't know how to make it feel like home. Also, I can't go to KC as often as I would like...not for any particular reason, it's just that I've filled my life here with stuff to do, that now, going to KC isn't really an option. I really didn't think I would be so home sick, but I guess I am. If anyone has a suggestion of how to get over this big hump, please, I welcome your comments! Sorry for the really long blog, I just had to get this off my chest. I feel much better now! :)

Guess who's 30?

Ok, so I've missed a few days of posts...oops. Well, now that it's Wednesday, I must recap for you. This past Saturday was Karnell's birthday! He turned the big 30. We had a lot of fun. For his birthday we went to the Branson Landing. For those of you that are familar with KCMO it is a cross between the Plaza and Crown Center. We loved it, we had dinner at a really wonderful restarant and sat to watch the fountain show and listen to some drummers! One of the drummers picked someone out of the audience to play and that lucky someone was...ME! (I am pretty sure that Karnell was jealous!) Needless to say, we had a very good time. What a birthday!

Success

How does a person measure success? Is it just how a person carries himself, or is it a measure of accomplishments? I obviously know that the accomplishments do not have to be great, just accomplished. It is with this question that I write my blog. I try to surround myself with successful people everyday. But there is one thing that I notice, they people that I'm around are doing things and making way to be successful, as for I am sitting on my talent doing nothing. I can't help but be reminded of the Bible verse where God gave talents to three people. Two of them went and make themselves successful, while the third went and buried his. He did nothing. That is totally me! I feel as though I have so much to offer myself, but fears of being inadequate, or failing, or whatever begin to invade my head. It stops me from being me. Whenever I have this feeling, it grips me so tight that, what was once a very achievable goal, not is next to nearly impossible. How do I overcome that? It's not so hard for me to "bite the bullet" and just do it. My mind has to be convinced that there is minimal risk involved. If anyone knows me at all, you will know that I am a huge risk taker. I love living on the edge, it gives me a rush. Two totally conflicting views. My mom always taught me that there are no failures, except for those that never tried. There is always knowledge to gain when effort is portrayed. My desire to be successful, is being smothered by my inadequacy. It is as though I am faced with a huge brick wall, and have no tools to either tear it down, or climb it. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in my marriage, stuck with my life, stuck with my decisions, just stuck. Don't be misinformed. It's not that my marriage, life and the decisions that I make are bad, that is not the case, it's just that they are inadequate. I know that I can do something to change that, I just don't know what that is. Yes, I want to be successful if that means that my life has a meaning and purpose. Right now I feel as though I am roaming aimlessly, without a cause. I have felt this way for a very long time. Just a little food for thought.