Why???

Why have friends that are going to consistantly let you down? If being in this world is made up of people and relationships, why invest in something that will let you down? Common sense would say, don't make bad investments. If it was money we were talking about, I would be an idiot for investing money, knowing I would loose it. I would be even stupider to invest a lot of money knowing I would loose it all. So, why would I do that? Because I'm an idiot and nieve. I always see the glass half full. I never want to see the negative; I'm an optimist.

Some people in life, aren't worth your time. How many times am I going to get hurt before I say "screw them"? How many tears am I going to cry? I'm truly beginning to HATE people. They are filled with nothing but disappointments and pain.

Maybe I should be like them--not care. Maybe I shouldn't check on them to make sure they're OK. Maybe I shouldn't call, or visit them. While I'm at it, maybe I should pray they have a horrible life...no, I can't, I have a heart.

Sometimes when you have a big heart, there's more to hurt. Having a big heart, in my eyes, has no advantages. People use you, and abuse you. They have you in their life for the only purpose of "what can they get out of it". Since being in Springfield, nothing but disappointments and heartache has come my way. I officially have too many emotions to handle.

So today, I say, "screw everyone". Tomorrow, I'll apologize and feel sorry that those words ever came out of my mouth. I'll try to make it better, to in turn only make it worse. I'll cry, and be lonely, and in a couple of days I'll move on. The story of my life.

Jett and Snow!

Karnell and Jett

Jeff and Charity
Charity, Jeff and Karnell (Is Karnell warm enough?)
Jeff, Me, and Karnell (I'm the only one with snow all over me!)

The first couple of pictures our of Jett. The next pictures are of Karnell, me, Jeff and Charity. We had our first "real" snow here in Springfield, so we decided to go play in it. Jeff and Charity bought a sled and off we went. We were so excited to go sledding. Once we got to our destination, we started blowing up the sled. Well it didn't take long before we decided that would take forever. So we said forget it, and just went playin in the snow. We made snow angels, had snowball fights, and Karnell rolled down the hill in the snow! (Now that was a sight to see!) After about 25-30 minutes, the fun was over. It was very random, and a lot of fun!

One sad day...

Well, most of you know, but some may not... Jett was hit by a car yesterday, and didn't make it. I would honestly say that he was a special dog to me. In my whole life I've never had a dog. Matter of fact, I've never owned any pets growing up. It wasn't until I was in college that I had my first pet; Theodore- a guinea pig. I was living with Jodi and Lindsay at the time...he got sick and pasted away. I felt sad, but didn't even cry. Then I got a parakeet- Rainbow...she also got sick...real, real sick and passed away as well. Theodore and Rainbow both lived the "The Cabin" that was the name of my house in college. I am convinced that that house wasn't conducive for pet living, and that's why my pets got sick.

While having Rainbow, Karnell got me George- another parakeet. So the transition from Rainbow dying and having George was wonderful. I cried, but only for a little bit. The main reason I cried was because I saw Rainbow suffering like you wouldn't believe...my heart just ached for her.

For a long time we only had George (about a year) and then we got Macchiato- another parakeet! Karnell and I felt that George was lonely and needed a friend. Which might I add, they absolutely love each other!

Once we moved to Springfield, we got Jett. I blogged about him in earlier posts. Even though he ate everything in sight, he was still my friend. Karnell is always gone, and I felt such peace knowing that Jett was with me. I told Jett things that I wouldn't tell anyone else. Last night was so hard for me because I came home and he wasn't there. I am so grateful that Karnell was off yesterday so that I wouldn't be home by myself.

I would just like to say that I will miss you Jett, you were a great dog, and a wonderful friend. I am so sorry that your life had to end so soon. You brought many smiles to my face, and made me feel better. You will be greatly missed.

Random Thoughts!

Today is nothing but random thoughts...hope you don't mind! So, most of you know that I got a digital camera for Christmas, and a printer to go along with it, but I don't take any pictures. I carry the camera in my purse so that I can catch "life's" moments, but I just don't. When I had a 35mm camera, I use to take pictures all the time. I just hated getting them developed. Before too long, I just stopped taking pictures. So now I have to get back into the habit of taking them again. It's easy now, I don't even have to wait for pictures!

Well, I think that we finally found a home for Jett. It has been quite the process, but I really want to make sure that he has a good, forever home. I don't want him to go to just anybody that calls. I have to remember that I get to pick which home is the best home for him!

I was talking to my friend Jodi the other day, and found out some interesting news...she's pregnant! I just couldn't believe it. After talking to her on the phone, I really started to think about life. It is amazing where life will take you. I can remember when Jodi and I lived on the same floor (she was my RA) at SMS. Then we moved into a house together, where we both met our spouses, we even graduated at the same time! We both lived in KC for awhile, and now she's in Colorado and I'm back in Springfield! Amazing!! She is one of my dear friends, and I am so glad that the Lord allowed such a great friend (she's just like a sister to me) into my life! Love ya, Jodi!

Ok, that's enough of the random thoughts! I hope that everyone has a wonderful New Year! My prayer is that you take all of life's moments and make the best of them! Love you all!

The day after Christmas

Lookin a little rough, but here's Karnell and I!

My cousins!

My cousin Tyalor!

My cousins Craig and Corey! Too Cute!

My cousin Monty, and his new PSP!!

My sister Ashley!

My mom, Aunt Brenda, and my brother Brian!
Check out what I got for Christmas...!

Hello all! I hope everyone had a great and memorable Christmas. I know I did! I got the thing I always wanted...a digital camera! Not only did I get a camera, but I got a picture printer as well! Scrapbooking has reached a new height! You should have seen me, I was jumping up and down, and saying..."I can't believe it, I just can't believe it"! It was quite a sight...maybe you shouldn't have seen it! I really had a great Christmas. I was able to spend it with my family, and that was worth it to me! We also had my birthday party on Sunday...that too was a blast. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday and Christmas! Well, now it's back to work, YEAH!!! I sure hope that all of you know that I'm totally joking about the "yeah" part! Ok, TTFN!

It's my birthday!

Well folks, it's official, my birthday is here! Now, I can fully submerge myself into the Christmas season. I don't know why but, it's not until my birthday is here that I really get excited about Christmas. Well, so far my day has been...well...quiet. I am very grateful for the quiet. I have had some time to really think about my 28 years on earth! Other than that, it feels just like any other day! It's amazing how the older you get, the less excited you become. That is very hard for me to admit, because I absolutely LOVE birthdays. I get so excited about them, that I can hardly stand it...but not this year. Maybe it's because I typically spend my birthday with my family and this would make the second year that I haven't been able to spend my actual birthday with them. Who knows! At any rate, it is my birthday, and I am so very thankful to the Lord that he allowed me to have 28 wonderful years of life, love and friendship. I am not for sure what Karnell has instore for this particular occasion, but I can almost guarantee that all of those three things will be there; and that's something to get excited for! Stay tuned to see how the festivities went down! TTFN- Ta Ta For Now!

Springfield...

So Karnell and I have been in Springfield for 6 months. Can you believe it? And since I've been here, I have had quite a few disappointments and hardships. Now, as many of you know, this isn't my first time living here in Springfield. I went to college here. And for me, that's is where it should have stayed. To make a long story short, after college, I went back home (KC) because I had no job, and no place to live here in Springfield. I graduated December 14. On December 15, my life has never been the same. I have always been one to have everything in life planned out, or if not planned out, at least a template of what I should be doing. I feel as though I am roaming the earth, and losing my outlook on life. I am settling for mediocrity, which isn't one of my character traits. So what's my problem? Well, to answer my own question, I am suppose to do something great in my life, and I am side tracked. God has totally pulled me out of my comfort zone for a purpose. He has allowed certain friends leave, certain deaths in my family, and other circumstances to arise to show me something. Since I've moved here, I've been miserable. My question to God was, why would You allow me to move somewhere that I hate? His answer, so that you can do what you love! I love children. Every ember of my being is attached to a child. I have so many ideas in my head for children, that it keeps me up at night sometimes! So, with all that said, I say, "Yes, Lord". I will no longer kick, against what I CAN see, but instead run towards what I CAN'T see. It took me 6 months of heartache and pain to really understand and accept what the Lord is doing! So sad. I am almost ashamed to have mentioned it. I could have been much further along. But, I believe that everything happens for a reason...I just haven't discovered it yet!