Ok, I just want to vent for a little bit. Nothing more. I just don't understand some things. I have had unique oportunities in life. I can't explain them all, but I've had rare possibilities and chances to meet some amazing, influencial and powerful people. These particular people not to mention have money.
Now, i know that money isn't everything, but it sure helps.
All I've ever wanted to do is open my own private preschool. I was bound and determined to open one once I got enough experience. So right out of college I was an assistant director of a private preschool. I lost that job, and as a result I haven't been able to bounce back and regain my focus.
To be honest, I feel as though I will never reach that goal because I'm married now, and I have to be a wife...which means Karnell has the final say. So my dreams have to be put on hold in order to keep peace in the home.
I guess my question is, to all married women: How do you pursue your dreams and goals and still be submissive to your husband. I am having a ridiculously hard time balancing the two.
I want to open my own school so bad that I'm ALMOST willing to risk things that shouldn't be at risk. I feel smothered. I feel trapped. I feel that success can only come to me as of a result of Karnell experiencing success first.
Don't be misinformed. I love my husband and I love my family, but I want more and I can't because Karnell as other dreams and plans. I know, we've had this discussion before and it always ends up in a huge argument...
I just want balance. I'm losing who I am and I don't like it.
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LaTisha, have you ever heard of Love and Respect (google it) - It's a book and also a video series. Tim and I were going through a struggle that had similar emotion behind it. I wanted something so very badly that he didn't, and I was really struggling to submit to him. I learned a lot from that website (haven't read the book yet but just spent some time on the website and forum.)
I have a lot to say on that subject because it is a fresh lesson I have learned (literally in the last two months). I don't want to "preach" but if you want some more insight into what I have learned send me a message on fb.
I wanted to add that in my own situation I totally felt hte same emotions you put here:
"I want to open my own school so bad that I'm ALMOST willing to risk things that shouldn't be at risk. I feel smothered. I feel trapped. I feel that success can only come to me as of a result of Karnell experiencing success first."
Ifelt that my husband did not care about my wants/needs/desires, and that made it even harder to submit, especially when I thought I was "right." So I'm trying to say that I totally understand your emotions and feelings.
Check out Love and Respect, and cry out to God. He knows what you are feeling, and He cares. He will work things out in such a way that He is glorified, however that is. Trust me - I am at the end of my experience and my husband and I have ended up on the same page (after a long struggle) and I am so thankful that it happened the way it did, not the way I wanted it to.
Ephesians 5:21 says "Submit one to another out of reverence for Christ."
It is true that you need to submit to Karnell. But Karnell also needs to submit to you. It is outside the whole concept of marriage for either of you to force the other's hand, or go around them. You can't make him submit to you, and he can't make you submit to him. If he is following a dream without concern for yours, then he is outside the teaching of scripture as well.
The only other thing I would mention is that you probably need to check yourself, if you want something so bad that you're willing to make unwise sacrifices. I think if that's the way you feel, you are almost certain to be pointed away from the path God has for you. He could speak in an audible voice to you, from a burning bush, to tell you not to start a pre-school, and you might not listen.
I'm not saying that Karnell is necessarily right, but you can't trust yourself in this situation until you can accept either eventuality, and be willing to let your dream go. Often God doesn't work out our dreams until he sees that we hold them loosely, and that it is HIM that we are truly in love with... not an idea or a dream.
I know we haven't talked in a long time... hope I didn't come across too harsh. I miss seeing you around, and the conversations we used to have. Keep in touch!
Thanks for those that have commented. Its a lot to take in. But believe that I did read it and I'm taking it to heart.
Latisha, I have to be honest, I disagree with some here. I have a very happy marriage, and my husband is fully supportive of my plans and dreams. I think it should be more of a situation where each person gets time to try out their dreams, and then it's the other person's turn. It's not fair for you to submit to a husband's dreams if he never submits to your own. Andy fully supported me all the way through my master's. Now it's his turn and he's trying out a new business idea.
Just my opinion. I also think that a husband who is unsupportive is not a sign from God that you shouldn't start a preschool.
How many conversations have you had with Karnell about this? Starting a business requires a lot of conversations, so maybe you just need more of those. He needs to be on board if you want to stay married.
Someone is probably going to beat me up on here for not telling you to give up your lifelong plan to make your husband happy... Ha! :)
Dear, I love ya. We should spend some time together. I miss you.
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